Thursday, July 23, 2015

Tried of fighting my own body

TThe I'm so over it, it been my bad health. My health has just gone down hill a lot latly. In the last year and has gone downhill a lot but in the last month or so I feel like it's gone downhill even more dramatically. Shortness of breath, dizziness, tired, fast heart rates, AF, too much fluid you name it i've been having the issue.

I feel like I'm at the point where I'm not sick enough not to work but im sick enough that when I do work it's hard really hard, trying to function through a normal day take so much more effort in people around me even realise, and on top of that trying to hide it from the outside world as I don't want to look like that person, a person who can walk to the car without running out of with all that person who can't walk up a flight of stairs without getting dizzy, it's really hard and it's so frustrating.  

My day starts off I walk to my car I get my car I have to sit there and catch my breath, I open the gate go back to my car and then catch my breath again I drive out the gate back to my car to catch my breath again I drive to work I get out of my car I walk to the meal room where I have to catch my breath again I then walk to my work place and again I catch my breath agai. This continues throughout the day three meal breaks means three times walking to the meal room to catch my breath it mean three times walking back from the meal room again and catching my breath again. Catching my breath throughout the day and at the end of the day walking to my car and catching my breath again. Every time I have to stop to get my breath it's not very long 30 seconds to a minute but it's just so hard that I can't just can't do everything like a normal person without having to stop and catch my breath of the time,  if I'm not catching my breath I'm stopping because im dizzy and don't want to pass out. 

Of late i've been wondering if my study is a waste of time by the time I finish my degree I say my healthy not gonna be any better if anything worse and I worry by then will I be too sick to even use my degree, I'm on my practicum at the moment and I'm really struggling caring the babies it's putting a lot of strain on me and I sometimes think if I can't do that what is the point of my study. Just working five days a week has been really hard on me,  my body is ready to just give up. 

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