Thursday, November 8, 2012

How long is not long enough

I think about it every day that I might not wake up tomorrow I know my life is not going to be a long as everyone else's , and you sure look at things differently .
Every time I hear about another transplant pt that didn't make it I feel like will I be next, Iv gotten use to the idea that I'm not gonna be around as long as a normal person whatever normal is and it doesn't bother me really any more but it does sadden me there things I might miss out on seeing like seeing my nephew grown up and it breaks my heart to think there a chance that my mother and father may have to buried there own child .

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Watching llife pass me by .

Well here i am typeing this when i should be trying to get same sleep since i have work tomorrow but i can never sleep anyway so why try, I have millons of things running round my head.
Before i had my transplant all i every wonted in life was a normal plan life, a min wage crap job i didnt care i just wonted to be able to work like the rest of the world to get out the house and do normal things like the rest of the world , now that i have everythink i ever wonted i have a job i can go out in the weekends and party till the sun comes up again cos i can and i have no mebical reason stopping me in any way, i feel like its not enought as stacie orrico sang " there got to be more to life then chasing down every temporary high" I spend so long fighting for life and i know my life is that much shorter then everyone else's that i feel like i shouldd be doing somethink amazing and great with mine .

Sure i would love to go out there and get some amazing job and make lots of money and then do that so called amazing thing with my life but im not a very smart person i cant spell for shit and i have like a reading age of like a 14 year old or some think like that , i thought of studding many time but it would just be so hard and i dont know if i  could handal been poor that long spend that much money for somethink that might not even work out cos i cant handal the study .

I feel like im so lucky to have this great gift iv ben given this new heart and what am i doing with it nothing i work in a shop part time watching life pass me by .

Monday, October 1, 2012

I crashed my car

I know this is not really transplant related but owell .
So me and Trish were driving up to Wellington for the weekend we were about 15 min out of Taihape and I started to feel tried I dozed of for a secon and started difting to the left Trish told me to turn the wheel bak quickly I did but turned it to much that I end up skipping across the road straight into the bank , it was one of the freakiest things ever , my car is a right off and I only had 3ed party .
I was so lucky there wasn't another car in the lane cos I would be dead even worst I could have killed someone .
Me and Trish where quit lucky we didn't have much damage just soft tissue damage witch is pain full but it will go and I got a huge seat belt burn in my chest witch is pretty painfull .
All I can say is thank god for pain killers .
I was in so much shock when I had the accident I can still see it now its replaying in my heart all the time it's quit freaky , I think that's put me of driving for a while .

Thursday, September 27, 2012

My Bucket List

Things to do before i die

Write my book about my life -been sick having a transplant and been healthy
Go to the snow
Choose what i wont to do with my life and study it
Swim with dolphins

Jump out of a plane -maybe if im not to scared
Go to Barrys(my donors) grave
Send a message in a bottle
Sleep under the stars
Go up in a air hot ballon
Ride a horse
Go scuba diving
watch a storm from the beach thats out at sea
go in a cruise ship
Learn Maroi
Watch a sunrise/sunset
Knit a scart
Go whale watching
Make a difference
Build a snowman
Do a snow angle
Name a star
Go to disneyland
See a ice berg
Sleep in a castle
See great wall of china
See a turle
Sit through a Cort case

Life is good !!

Life is so good at the moment i can hostnly say im alot happy now then i have been in a while , have a great group of friends i love my job and the people i work with and my health has been really good latly whatever in life can i ask for .

Check up Hamilton

So i had a check up today everythink went well,all looking good my BP was a bit high but hes just played with my mebs a bit for that,
I userly go to Auckland for my check ups but they have sent me back to Hamilton now i still have to go to Auckland but not a often, it was so weird been back in Hamilton havent been there sine my transplant its the hospital i went though most of my sickness with and you spent so much time there that the staff become an important part they are the people who have keep me alive been there for me when i was really sick ,it was so good seen my doctor again hes done so much for me and my cardic nurse shes just done so much for me shes been there for me right though the whole transplant stuff, i would say shes gone way past the call of duity for me, shes been the greatest support for me when i was sick and post transplant ect coming to terms with it all , i love that im health now but im not gonna lie it hasent been a easy path iv had my bumps along the way .
When i was there my doctor was talking to another doctor about a 15 year old boy , my doctor told me hes in CCU and is proable not going to make it , jsut makes me relise how luck i am , i was that sick once and now im not .
My doctor stand for everythink i hate about my life all my mebical bullshit but at the same time he's been such a big part of my life i hold him very high he saved my life and for that i will be forever greatful .

PS , im now lost 18kg thats been from like the beginning of the year though

Thursday, June 7, 2012

living in a bubble

Everything iv been through and everything i still have to go through, i had to be old before my time i had to come to terms with life and death before i ever understood it i had my funeral planed at 16  , it sure did take a toll on my life so many things effect me in ways i wish that haven't and it took me a long time to come to terms with this new life style I'm "meant" to be living. life in a bubble makes you feel like bubble boy sometimes.
I spend my whole life been a soldier to the medical world not doing this and that and been watched like a gold fish,they give me my life back and im great full for that but whats the point of having a life if i don't get to choose how i live it .

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The last few months all rolled into one .

So i haven't updated this for a  while so had my heart 3 year birthday in April , that was good pretty much just party the night away and won a $50 bar tab at heaven and hell so that just topped the night of.
so iv now  had my heart for 3 years pretty dum cool if you ask me

First after transplant i was like yay a can do normal things and live a normal life and i have a job what more in life can i ask for now that living a normal life has started being "normal" if there if such a thing and suddenly living a normal life and holding down a job is'ent so great any more, i keep thinking to my self is this it will i be working in a shop for the rest of my life, as the song says "theirs got to be more to life " , i really wont to study and do something more with my life but i don't at the same time , one: i don't know how people live on what you get as a student two:  im scared if i start and it doesn't work out and it gets to hard with my learning troubles ect that i might not be able to handal the study  three: im too scared to give up my job cos it was so hard to find that job and these days its just getting harder to fine jobs and put a heart transplant n top of that theirs not alot of hope .

So about a wek ago i got a tattoo in honor of my donor ill add a pic below ,Barry is my donors name and 14 April 2009 is the day i got my transplant and got a life and my donor lost his life .

 Me and Bobby on my heart birthday Red and heart themed

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Coming on 3 years !!

I havent written in here for ages thought i better update it , so in April the 14 this year i would have my "new" heart for three years, its so amaing to think how much i have come in those 3 years i look at my life now and think what it was like 3 years ago , never in my wildest dream did i think it would be this great that i would be "healthy".
I have a job that i love it may only be a job at a shop but the fact that i get out of bed everyday and go to work to a place of where i enjoy is what counts as a good job to me .
I turned 24 last month thats another year i made it.

As for my health its going great i havent steped foot in a hospital seen my last check up , i had my 3 year check up about a week ago it all went wll everythink looking good im jsut a bit low in iron but if thats my biggest issuse in life just shows how great life is .

 I have my 3 years cumming up good ehen ever that comes up its the most amazing day for me cos its another year i made it and so much more but always thiink of Barrys parents and family and what there going though thats anotherr year that they have lost there sone ,
when i was sick my life depended oon someone else dieing it really is a hard thing to get your head around you dont wont someone else to die but if someone else didnt die you would .
I was waiting for someone to diee it didnt seen right