Thursday, November 8, 2012

How long is not long enough

I think about it every day that I might not wake up tomorrow I know my life is not going to be a long as everyone else's , and you sure look at things differently .
Every time I hear about another transplant pt that didn't make it I feel like will I be next, Iv gotten use to the idea that I'm not gonna be around as long as a normal person whatever normal is and it doesn't bother me really any more but it does sadden me there things I might miss out on seeing like seeing my nephew grown up and it breaks my heart to think there a chance that my mother and father may have to buried there own child .

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Watching llife pass me by .

Well here i am typeing this when i should be trying to get same sleep since i have work tomorrow but i can never sleep anyway so why try, I have millons of things running round my head.
Before i had my transplant all i every wonted in life was a normal plan life, a min wage crap job i didnt care i just wonted to be able to work like the rest of the world to get out the house and do normal things like the rest of the world , now that i have everythink i ever wonted i have a job i can go out in the weekends and party till the sun comes up again cos i can and i have no mebical reason stopping me in any way, i feel like its not enought as stacie orrico sang " there got to be more to life then chasing down every temporary high" I spend so long fighting for life and i know my life is that much shorter then everyone else's that i feel like i shouldd be doing somethink amazing and great with mine .

Sure i would love to go out there and get some amazing job and make lots of money and then do that so called amazing thing with my life but im not a very smart person i cant spell for shit and i have like a reading age of like a 14 year old or some think like that , i thought of studding many time but it would just be so hard and i dont know if i  could handal been poor that long spend that much money for somethink that might not even work out cos i cant handal the study .

I feel like im so lucky to have this great gift iv ben given this new heart and what am i doing with it nothing i work in a shop part time watching life pass me by .