Thursday, August 20, 2015


Am I self-destructing or just living my life. 
Am I being ill-responsible or just enjoying being free. 
Can't you see me, can't you see me 
Am I not following your book of rules 
Am I making foolish decisions. 

Can't you see me, can't you see me
Look at me , look at me 
Stop looking at me as your investment your toy
Your precious cargo, your challenge

You fight everyday to keep me alive 
You tell me what's right and wrong
You control my body, my heart 
You robbed my independence
You saved my life 
You saved your investment

Am I self-destructing or just living my life
Am I been ill responsible or just enjoying been free
Can't you see I just want to be free 
Let me be 


Saturday, August 15, 2015

Been sick suxs

Off late my health is really starting to effect my day to day life , I feel like I'm sick again it's horrible.

Fluid, AF, shortness of breath , dizziness, triedness  the list goes on, I have decided to drop one of my papers, I'm still doing 3 just dropped the 4th one . One of my hardest things at the moment I have been struggling with is been tried all the time. I hate it all I want to do is sleep but then I have all this study I'm meant to be doing . On top of that the way my health is at the moment I do wonder what's the point of my study if I can't pick up a baby or run around kids if I'm going to get short of breath and dizzy or the time, it really made question what the point of my study if I'm going to be to sick to use my skills. It's really hard to see a future for yourself when ur feeling as crappy all the time.

It's been really getting me down been sick all the time been tried is hard but not having another breath to do anything or go anywhere is just as bad and don't even get me started on the dizziness. It's not fair I already spend half my life been sick and then I was given this new heart and it was amazing, then all of a sudden life decided to take it away from me again.

Someone asked me the other day if my health will keep deteriorating or will they be able to fix it and I answered them, well I thought I did and then I thought about it u know what I don't even know can they fix me or will I just keep getting worst. So next time I go to the doctor I'm going to ask them just that will I get worst and keep getting sicker or can they fix me , how is it that IV never asked this question and when I sit down and think about it I don't even know the answer. Do I want to know the question ? I don't know !