Monday, October 21, 2013

Sleep o how i miss you

My sleep has gotten so much worst latly some times ill be up to at least 5am before that it was like maybe 2:30 - 3 am , i use to blame it on my drug while i never sleeped witch proable doesent help but i was thinknig back the other day iv always had issuse sleeping not just after transplant but before aswell, i dont know if that was cos i was in heart failure and u can never lie down at night without feeling like ur getting drowned or what is was.

It doesent help that some times i will have to do a all nighter just to get my homework done and its bad enough that i dont sleep but when im making myself stay up all night my body starts to get use to staying up all night.

Well i was talknig to my social working today he said hes going to see if he can talknig to my doctor about getting me some sleeping pills, i bet it wont work but anythink worth a try so over not having enough sleep, i get angry at my doctors that there not willing to give me anythink to help me sleep but my biggest issuse i have with sleeping is all the mebs they give me, ok proable not the only issuse but i gotta believe its a big part of it.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Wish i could "Quit" the hospital

Not very happy with doctors,hospital the who medical world at the moment so long story short,
I was in Rotorua hospital a few back for shortness of breat, the doctor told me i was in heart failure so i was liek WTH worryed what my furture would be like ect they put me on beta blocker and furosemide
Went to hamilton doctor soon after for a check up he didnt have any of the paper work so didnt know if i was in heart failure or not but said he ddint think i was, was going to chase up ecgo and get back to me never did so i emailed hamilton but didnt answer any of my question so whatever just left it there .
Went to GP she said she ddint think i was in heart failure so i was like kool no need to worry
Got swallown ankles emailed hamilton, so now they thought i was in hear failure again so went throught the whole WTF moment again.
Then Auckland rang and said they dont think i am so was happy again cos i was like there the transplant team they must know what there talking about alot of pt get fluid on board sometimes they tell me.
So even that im pretty sure they are right , in the back of my mind im like well they havent seen me just talked to me on phone so i still dont really know 100% witch doctor is right and its fucking me off .

Wish they would make up ther bloody minds, and let me knows what going on sine im not dur to see them till April next year.
I so ready to be like fuck you hospital dont care anymore.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Heart failure you sux

so study still going good just about half way though the year not quite, really hard but im gettingt there i refuse to give up even if i fail ill just do it again, i havent failed anythink lucky.

So my ankles have been swelling bad latly sine now that im in heart failure i guess its just somethink i gonna have to expect now, my doctor up my pills so hopefully that will hel the swalling and is going to call monday and see how it is
iv tried asking more questinon about this whole heart failure thing will it get worse? will i go down hill like the way i did before transplant? is it just gonna lead me to the same place as before? needing a transplant again? but my doctors are very good at not answring my question he said next time im there he will asnwing them all for me i realy dont know whats wrong with emailing them to me but whatever if thats what he wonts to do fine, at the moment i know jack all about what heart failure is gonna mean for me in the future
I been find my doctor very frustrating they wont tell me anythink bloody annoying before transplant they use to sell me i never took my health seriously and did understnad the serious ness of it and now that im interested and wont to know more that what tell me very annoying. .

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Hospital visit

Well had my hospital vista to Hamilton the other day that was just a waste of time, they were ment to see me re the heart failure thing but Rotorua hospital hadent sent them any notes or anythink not even a discharge letter so wade ( my cardiologist) said he couldn't really do anythink without seen the notes ect and he wonted to see the echo Rotorua had done on me as we'll . 

So he just did his normal check up for now all his test ect as he does, and there gonna let me know if any mebs ect need changing , I asked if he could give me some sleeping pills that was a big fat no ,to think he asked me why I wasent sleeping hello it's the shit u give me to take every day , my GP wont give them to me either cos she thinks there addictive whatever I couldn't care less it's the worst she's worried about go hard I mean look at all the bull shit they make me take now anyway, all I wont is to be able to have a good night sleep so in not tried ect the next day .