Its 3;40 in the morning and im writting in my blog why you ask you I cant sleep and i always right better at night because there so many things running round my head .
So I had my 4 year check up last week my 4 years is not till 14 of april but had it ugly, I'm traccardia thats just a flash way of saying my heart rate is high but my heart rates always been high it was 110 when she took it and it userly sits round 100 but thats transplant pt for you high heart rate.
I was thinking today about how i always get asked about my short life span and doesent that upset me and of course i say no it doesent cos 15years ish is better then the year or less i had to live, call me selfish cos iv already been given a xtra 15ish years with this heart but year it sadest me it pisses me of i wont to live to im old i wont to see my sisters kids grown up and wont to have the chance to bring up my own kids without worry about dieing on them as children or even worst giving them what i have .
im lucky to get those xtra years maybe if i had my transplant at 40 or even 30 then i wonld at least get to 50-60 but i didnt i got in my 20s so if i live the 20 years that's the longest person in nz has lived with one i will only get to 40 !! witch really sucks .
I know overseas it different you here of people lasting longer and why that is i dont know but whatever it is we must not different type of drugs here or sumthink and the chance of getting another heart is pretty unlikly.
I start my course next week first im doing a short course that teaches you how to study ect and if that goes well i plan on doing early childhood but im really nervor about the course im just not a bright person never have been but at the same time i dont wont to spend the rest of my life working in a shop my life is short i feel like i need to do somethink worth while with it , im still going to work at spotlight on weekends but i will miss tranding my working week in for study i love the people i work with believe it or not i even love the job and i wake up ever morning thinking yay i can go to work cos i not sick iv been given life and i look forward to going there its not a place I dont dread.