A journal entry from 1 year before my transplant

I found a journal entry from 1 year before my transplant its so weird reading it and looking at how much has changed and how much healthy and happy i am now
The weird part is its dated the 14 of April 2008 and i had my transplant 14 of April 2009

I'm sick of it all , I feel so tried and worn out, im just over all this heart stuff the mebs the tests and doctors the hospital and all the rest.
I'm sick of fighting iv been fighting this horrible illness my whole life, I could just leave it all behind and give up im all out of energy im out of strength, i wish i didn't have to fight it deal with it day after day.

I just wont to go to sleep and for it to all go away for it all to stop to wake up and for it to just been a bad dream, to live one day normal day to feel what its like not have to fight for life every day every minute ever hour, to feel what its like to live a normal life.

The worst part is i can complain be angry about all of it but theirs nothing i can do about it ,i have to live with this everyday the only thing i can do about this is give up but what use is that.
I didn't ask for none of it not one bit, why was i the one who ended up with this silly illness witch in the end is going to kill me ,theirs ways of making it a bit more far away but in the end theirs just nothing they can do,

My doctor might start heading down the heart transplant road, i don't know what to think im scared shit less

Rejection.. / Drugs sux !!!

So i was up at Auckland last week for a cheeck up and i got a bit of rejection , so they up my Prednisone and man iv become a bitch to everyone sine they up my drugs and i just cant help myself,
No wonder i hate taking all theres drugs
Sine they up my Prednione its only for 3 weeks just to get rid of the rejection im just a bitch , hurgy tried all the time cos the pills just keep me awake and my head is al over the show i have to deal with 3 weeks of this o hell no !!!
DRUGS SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Organ donation

Stole this from a friends face book page but thought it was real neat.

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying.
At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my death bed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless pain and suffering.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the All Blacks and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against a window pane.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all my prejudice against my fellow man.
If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you.
If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.