living in a bubble

Everything iv been through and everything i still have to go through, i had to be old before my time i had to come to terms with life and death before i ever understood it i had my funeral planed at 16  , it sure did take a toll on my life so many things effect me in ways i wish that haven't and it took me a long time to come to terms with this new life style I'm "meant" to be living. life in a bubble makes you feel like bubble boy sometimes.
I spend my whole life been a soldier to the medical world not doing this and that and been watched like a gold fish,they give me my life back and im great full for that but whats the point of having a life if i don't get to choose how i live it .