Coming on 3 years !!

I havent written in here for ages thought i better update it , so in April the 14 this year i would have my "new" heart for three years, its so amaing to think how much i have come in those 3 years i look at my life now and think what it was like 3 years ago , never in my wildest dream did i think it would be this great that i would be "healthy".
I have a job that i love it may only be a job at a shop but the fact that i get out of bed everyday and go to work to a place of where i enjoy is what counts as a good job to me .
I turned 24 last month thats another year i made it.

As for my health its going great i havent steped foot in a hospital seen my last check up , i had my 3 year check up about a week ago it all went wll everythink looking good im jsut a bit low in iron but if thats my biggest issuse in life just shows how great life is .

 I have my 3 years cumming up good ehen ever that comes up its the most amazing day for me cos its another year i made it and so much more but always thiink of Barrys parents and family and what there going though thats anotherr year that they have lost there sone ,
when i was sick my life depended oon someone else dieing it really is a hard thing to get your head around you dont wont someone else to die but if someone else didnt die you would .
I was waiting for someone to diee it didnt seen right

written when i was just put on the list for a heart

This was written when i had been on the tranplan list 20 days, its amazing the differents im healthy ,happy and i can live normal life now

My heart is in heart failture and i can feel it, my body feel broken its been through so much and it keeps fighting my body is just geting weaker and weaker it knows that somethink is wrong.
The vomiting has started up again, my body is slowly dieing,
It feels like death i slow motion its really scary.
I have now been waitig for 20 days for a heart, im waiting for someone else to die it dosent seem right, you cat plan death.

Bugs/flus and a good old rant

I have enough flu like normall, im gonna bitch post here
Iv had so many flu, colds this yearr and they just keep cummin and its summer i still have one,
Im so over this low immum system ball shit stay way from this or that or you will get sick, anit it bad enought i have to deal with all my other medical bull shit and im out of sick leave .

I alway wondered what my life would be like if i wasent born with a bad heart, it would be so different i woulent have been in and out of hospital all the time and feeling sick all the time,maybe i would have put more effect in at school and maybe i would have gone off and studied, when all my friends where of at uni studing i was at home to sick to even work,

Im so greatffull for this heart transplant and that im not sick any more but i  do get days, its like why me !! , why was i the one who had ot wastie 21 years of my life not getting as much out of life as everyone else,  i could live my life the way i wont to not have to worry about my "big book of rules"

Cheeck up

So i had my check up yesterday it was the best check up iv had in a while ,  everythink was looking good she even droped my pred down to 5mg and my tac down to 3mg and she has put me on yearly vistas ,never in my whole life has my vista been that far apart , so yearly to Auckland and in between she wonts me to to Hamilton for check  ups so it yearly to  Aucklnd and yearly to Hamilton so it be like 6months check ups spilt between the hospittals .
So im so happpy about that it bring a bit of normal ness to my life not having to go to hospitals as often .

The only down side is my doctor gave me the i shouldent be drinking speech i already knew that but did it any way , i spent 21 years of my life sick hell why not enjoy the life i have in saying that i dont wont to shorten the short life i already have , but i like going out and drinking i have fun and iv never had issuses with it before

Two and a half years

It was 2 and a half years on the 14 man time flys, had a dinner with my family to celebrate my new healthy life and that im alive , i love life i have my ups and downs like everyone else but having that transplants given me such a great lease on life

Enjoing Life

It snowed yesterday how amazing was that the beautty of life , it was the first time in my life iv ever seen snow fall, it melted once it hit the ground but it was just pretty watching it come down, its the little things in life like snow that makes life amazing.
I still get kicks out of been alive the small things like going to the letter box, and walking to town two and a half years later i still am so amazed at what a differents it made, that i could go from not been able to walk to the letter box and could bearly breath at night to this ......

LIVING , WORKING ENJOYING A NORMAL LIFE ..

This is what life should be about friends, family enjoying the time you have left no matter how long or short that is

Barrys Story and me meeting my donors parents

pill drugs and more pills

SO just the 411 from the last post i went back to Auckland ( a month or so ago now) and results come back that i only had mild rejectoin which is not a biggie they just up the drugs a bit and im good as gold and dont have to go back till nov/dec now.

SO im having issuse with my drugs and work a while back i got told that i couldnt take my drugs on the floor which was fine so i started going to the office to take them now they wont me to go talk to my doctor about how often i should be taking my drugs ect long story shot they think im taking too much drug and think im zone out at times, there was a time that i proable was taking to many pain killers but iv cut down so much on them now i have days that i dont even take any more i dont know what the big deal is i just take them when i need them none of this 2 hour/4 hour bull shit
and it was suggest i get a note from my doctor saying how often i should take them.
Funny thing is that this back pain is CAUSED BY MY JOB.

I know everyone thinks im this big pill popper and addicted to pain killers but im not cos theres days i go without taking pain killers and i never take pain killers on my days of so that in its self proves im not addicted to them
They should try live a day in my shoes and see how they like it ..
My doctors always on my back that im not taking enough pills and miss them too much and on the other hand i have my job on my back telling me i take to much i cant win .

The big R Rejection

So i now back from my "trip from Auckland" if you would call it that
Went back up to Auckland for my biopsy to see if why my echo was different because of rejection had my biopsy but they stuffed it up so i had to have it done again before i had my 2en one done i went and saw the doctor and they told me they where looking for chronic rejection man those few days in till i got my results back was i stressing the only think in my head i could think of was that this could kill me

So findaly got my 2en biopsy done and results come back and it was moderate/server rejection but i didnt care i could deal with that compered to what they where telling me they where looking for, the treatment suxs and the side effects sux even more and the whole not been able to sleep is a pain in the butt, but at least they can get rid of it so that was relieve

So did my IV treatment and took my drugs and finally got to go home and i go back in about a week and will find out for sure if the rejection is gone or not but im pretty sure it has cos i feel 10 times better then before i had my treatment

its amazing what a bit of drugs can do how much i hate drugs , hospital and all the rest if i wasn't for them i wouldn't have a life i would be dead or sick in my bed all day ever day ,
im so great full ever day that i can get out of bed ever day , i can work even if its only part time and even if i do fall sick all the time i have so much more of a life now then i ever have what more in life can you ask for

Mine and Jess old hearts

Mine and Jess's old hearts ....

My two year check up ..

SO last week was my two year check up in Auckland , most it went well but my last day they come and told me they wont me to come back in two weeks for a biopsy cos my echo looks different then my last one they didn't really give any details so me been me went and looked at my hospital file and my echo report said i had mild hypokinesis so im guessing thats what they mean when they say its different.

Which according to google hypokinesis means "a part of heart muscle is not contracting well" so that makes me a bit tad worried, my heart is meant to be healthy now, im two years down and they stop doing biopsy after the first year in less theirs any issues if it is something hopefully its just a bit of mild rejection or something like that , that they can get rid of with drugs .

I don't know what my boss is going to say i had two weeks off for Aussie come back to work for a week then had a week of for my two year check up ill go back to work for a week and then i go back to Auckland for 3 days for my biopsy and if its rejection ill have to stay up there for another 3 day for treatment , my jobs been so good to me about my medical stuff so far that i don't know how long they will put up with it.

on top of that i don't know how long i can afford to take all this time off work i still have my bills to pay when i was sick i hated been sick but i never had to worry about if i take time of work wheres my next meal going to come from, i was to sick to work so i got money from the government ever week no questions asked.

Pill pill and more pills

I have a new understanding for people with back pain ever sine iv worked at spotlight iv started to have really bad issue's with my back , im so tall and im leaning over and cutting things all day at work and now i have really bad issues with it ,

i starting of taking codeine for it and that didn't work so then the doctor but me on tranmadol for it that didn't really work it makes the pain a little less, but not yet have i found a pain killer that the pain goes away all together and they made me feel nausea so she gave me a pill to help me with the nausea catch 22 been i cant stay on that long term who knows why ,so she doesn't mind me been on pain killer long term but not nausea pills?? , any way my doctors given me a whole bunch of new pain killers to try a week on each and see witch one works best so im hopeing one of them works

i know every one thinks im this big pill poper and take to many pills but all i wont is to be pain free i would love it if i didn't have to take pain killers all the time cos that would mean i would be pain free they should walk a day in my shoes and see how they would handle it .
iv been thow so much pain in my life as in body pain that if some one can give me a pill to stop me been in why the hell not ill take it in a heart beat

Have my two year check up for my heart transplant in Auckland next so hopfuly that goes well ..

Barry John my donor head stone

2 years with my heart and Aussie

Pic from Aussie

Aussie was amazing i had a great time i would so love to move there but a thought of fitting my life in an suit case is a bit scary and having to find a job before my money funs out maybe one day.

It was so nice to be able to spent my two year heart birthday with two of the most amazing people two people who where really there for me when i was really sick and i got a really nice email from Barry s (my donors) mum, i cant believe its been two years sine iv had my heart what an amazing journey it has been
Barry s mum spent me some pics of his grave witch was really special.

Life is good

Things at the moment are going great for me, im so happy im doing what i always dream off living a normal life working living and not been that "heart" girl that ever one knows me as ,it doesent sound like much of a dream but its about living and enjoying that time given just to be able to get out of bed everyday and feel healthy.

Working going good i feel like im at last managing my hours with out getting sick or tired all the time ,
Health is going great , on the 31 of March i would have been rejection free for a year
On the 14 of April i would have had this amazing gift Barry gave me for two whole years , the best two years of my life sure it may have had its ups and downs but i got there in the end alive and kicking

Off to Aussie in 3 weeks im so exited about that and its just going to be that much more amazing been health ...
I really am just so great full and thank full i am alive .

Don't be afraid of living be afraid of the un-lived life