Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I have no ask that question some time or another why me !!
Why was i chossen to live the life of a sick person , why did i have to spent my whole life in and out of hospital and on many many different drugs.
Why was i sick in bed while all my friends where at sports days , why was my childhood stolen from me, why did a spend 21 years of my life sick .
Why will i forever be tried down to a hospital and the mebical world , my life time of sickness has scared me for life and because of it iv missed out on a lot and its taking me so much longer to catch up with everyone else...
I often think about my life if i had never been sick what would it be like , what would i be doing now maybe i would have more enegry to try at school and maybe i would have gone of to uni and have a great job and just be living my life normal like everyone else,
On the other hand if i wasent sick i would look at life just like everyone else just life , i wouldent see the amazing-ness it is that i see now , i wouldent get kicks out of life like a do now i would never know how great it is to be able to get out of bed everyday and not have to fight for life.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
So i was up at Auckland last week for a cheeck up and i got a bit of rejection , so they up my Prednisone and man iv become a bitch to everyone sine they up my drugs and i just cant help myself,
No wonder i hate taking all theres drugs
Sine they up my Prednione its only for 3 weeks just to get rid of the rejection im just a bitch , hurgy tried all the time cos the pills just keep me awake and my head is al over the show i have to deal with 3 weeks of this o hell no !!!
DRUGS SUX !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
I cant sleep again!! because my ribs hurt to much, i feel like i havent had a good sleep in ages.
If things carry on the way they are im going to be poping pain killers for who knows how long.
I went to the doctor about my ribs hurting and she said its a side effect from the op because they cut my ribs open and she doesent know how long it will last , she gave me some better pain killers but this has been going on for like 3 months now its really annoying that there nothing they can do about it but give me painkiller.
They fixed my heart but stuffed my ribs and fuck its painfull at times.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Stole this from a friends face book page but thought it was real neat.
The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four corners of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and the dying.
At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my death bed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless pain and suffering.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the All Blacks and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against a window pane.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all my prejudice against my fellow man.
If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you.
If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.
Friday, August 13, 2010
My mind is foreva clouded with drugs , for as long as i can remeber iv been on drugs 20+ a day if it isent the codeine making me xtra happy its the prednisone making me feel all over the show and if its not that it will be some other drug i take with sum silly side effect that makes me mind clouded
To think i never going to eva be able to stop taking drugs 4 as long as i live all i will die.
its weird to think my life lies in things with such horriable side effects, as they say the drugs keep you alive but they kill you at the same time.
But im alive so im so greatful for that , i went from been on life support and in a coma and my family told i wasent going to make it to been the healthiest i ever been in my life and that alone is amazing
Monday, August 9, 2010
I got to meet my donors parents it was such a great experience to meet them , i was really luck to meet they as its not somethink thats ment to be done both partys dont get told who either is but due to NZ been such a small place and so little transplant done here a year its not hard to work out who your donors is
I just spent abit of time on google searching and i soon come across a guy who died a day befor I got my transplant and his heart went to a 21 year old so i knew it was him as i was the only heart transplant done that day and the only 21 year old done that year .
It was really neat learning all about the persons heart i had and meeting this parents, i sure it must have been very hard for them, the person i never meet befor saved my life and for that i will forever greatfull hes done the most amazing thing for me.
Heres a clip they did on TV of me meeting my donors parents
I love that I’m healthy , but getting a transplant doesn’t come without consequence and I don’t think I will ever see the back of a hospital and I will forever be tried down to this medical world that I’m stuck in , before my transplant I thought this whole transplant thing so much simple then it is
get transplant take pills ever day never see a doctors again apart from when i need more pills there’s so much more to it then I ever dream off
My immune system is so low that even that I’m healthy
that when I get sick I get really sick and my body just fines it so hard to fight bugs off, i have to be carefully of what I eat touch and do if the doctors had their way I would live in a bubble because of bugs, infection and the risk of me getting sick
But at the same time I just love been healthy , i can walk to town to the shop to my letter box
I can play sports , i can breath , I don’t throw up every day , My lungs don’t fill up with fluid i haven’t blacked out sine my transplant and my heart now beats in a normal rhythm.
I looked at life so differently I try to enjoy every moment of it just because I’m so lucky to be living it and I’m so lucky that i got a new heart and didn’t die waiting I got that 2en change some high power decided margi shell live !!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Im 22 was was born with HCM
I was put on the active heart transplant list a few weeks after my 21st birthday
I got a heart transplant on the 14 of April 2009
This is my life
I spent my whole life sick and now i have everythink i ever wonted and dream off,
Im healthy and I can now go out there and have a life.
Dont be afraid of living be afraid of the unlived life.
I could bearly walk to my letter box when i was sick, I was on 25 pills a day and my heart went into heart failure i was near death, it wasent a life it was jsut a matter of waiting of something to happen
voming, heart pounding, black outs, dizzness, shortness of breath i have nonoe of those now.
I can do things now i never done be4 thing in life i thought i would never get to try , i still get kicks out of the little things in life its amazing i love it
Never take your body for granted your never know how great it is intill you lose it
But everythink in life comes with a catch , i have my life back but not without the side of transplant ...
theres always to side to eva storty,